I have unwittingly discovered the best possible way of starting a health kick. 

 Deciding to set a challenge to spend the day eating only chocolate and chocolate related items, after two days of heavy drinking. It is the best way of achieving your dietary goals, because when chocolate becomes obligatory, you never want to eat it/think about it/look at it/smell it/taste it/reference it ever again. Writing this is excruciating. Tomorrow, I am going to eat like a fatty reformed by Gillian McKeith and I am going to be loving it. Or else I will just eat bacon and lick salt. 

Upon deciding to take up the chocolate challenge for the day, both my conspirator Erika and myself, felt instantly satisfied, like the challenge constituted some kind of productive behaviour for the day. Utterly pointless things are infinitely more appealing than things with point. (See: avid Hollyoaks watching and the Slimfast diet.) 

This lasted over our breakfast (a Galaxy pro biotic shake) which we consumed with self-satisfied nods at one another. It continued when we had our brunch (Cadbury's Clusters and more self-satisfied nods) and finally culminated in an eventual realisation that we had gone too far to end it, yet the idiocy of making ourselves feel as awful as possible with no discernible logic dawned on us over lunch (a waffle with Chocolate Mousse warning*.) I ate it with the same relish as a celeb eating a kangaroo's testicle. 

'Why can't we do things like save the rain forest though?'

'Too hard.. actually this is really hard too.' 

My head hurts, my stomach is making the sounds of a sickly sweet one-man-band and all I can hear is the sounds of my broken clock ticking on the floor. I can never look a waffle with chocolate mousse in the eye again.... not that I ever have.  

Just received a text. From Erika. She's had a cheeky sandwich. The sensible fool. I must not cave to temptation. More chocolate then. 

*Might die.